blog

so where do we go?

2008-07-10T05:55:00.000-07:00

some where? any where? where do we go from here? Answer me all knowing one. i want to know.

my life's been fine. i have been studying a little here and there. i created this new rift. it sounds emo, and its in my favourite scale of a minor. i'm all pumped up for chma, i'm working on my headbanging. i show you all on that day k? very indie. nothing much to say really.

today.

2008-07-03T03:04:00.000-07:00

my ear hurts, my ear hurts, my ear hurts. i can wear whatever i want to tomorrow. thats nice. my ear hurts.

the things that really matter.

2008-07-01T03:43:00.001-07:00

it is not important. the fame. the rush. the highness.
very recently, i have been obsessed with many things, a girl, fame, trying to be cool. All these do not matter. by doing i have neglected very important things. my true friends, my best friend(BrianWong jun xiong).
i have spent my time doing things which are unimportant.
i have forgotten the true meaning of friendship, and those who stuck by me through thick and thin. people who have been with me through my darkest hour, been with me when i was crying. Those are the people who really matter, the people who have stood up for me, know me for whom i truly am. i am sorry

i'm dead

2008-06-30T06:15:00.000-07:00

light, darkness. opposite? are you there? where is WOAH SON OF A BITCH.

i know everything.
really everything.
where i died.
what Linus in primary school was talking to me about.
there is no concept of time in heaven*.
i even understands what happens if your wife dies and you remarries and you all go to heaven.
but i do not wish to explain or rather there is no need to.
your mind would not comprehend.
this might be the only thing that would help you guys understand.

you have a dog.
your dog is hungry.
you have food.
the food is poisonous.
your dog feels as if you are mistreating it because you do not give it the food.
you understand.
the dog doesn't.
you are the dog.
God is the master.
he knows whats best for you.

emotions? i do not need them. for i have the most important feeling of them all. i cant put it in words. it is impossible. i really cant. i have no shell. i am everything. i am you. i envy you. i hate you. i love you. i care for you. everything. entity. be with me. i am. i will. i shall. sway. stay. hope believe.

the understanding. i yearn to live. i cannot.

2008-06-22T05:41:00.000-07:00

joke of the day.

lennard: shaun is beside me now.

person a: why you always sticking with him... gay ah?

lennard: plasma grenade.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. OMG, who the fuck says something like that.hahaha omg omg.

awaken

2008-06-21T02:19:00.000-07:00

it is 530pm. i just awoke. i have nothing to do. no motive. no drive. no emotions. blank. just staring at my screen and typing. i dont even know why im doing this?..... right now, i cant even recollect anything to blog about. why do i even want to blog? why the hell am i sitting down? why is my speaker off? why? fuck dam it shit i am losing my mind. or am i? what if i wasn't losing my mind? what if like somehow i am not me? i mean is this even my hand? how does it work? why can i move my hand? so like i just learned stairway to heaven on the guitar. cool song. i like. then i heard the santanic version backwards. why? is led. Z satanic? are they? why must they be? are you reading this? i know i am. hhaahahahaHAHAHA OF COURSE I AM OMG OMG OMG. I MOTHER FUCKING WRITING THIS. or am i?

what if like somehow i am not me? i mean is this even my hand? how does it work? why can i move my hand? so like i just learned stairway to heaven on the guitar. cool song. i like. then i heard the santanic version backwards. why? is led. Z satanic? are they? why must they be? are you reading this? i know i am. hhaahahahaHAHAHA OF COURSE I AM OMG OMG OMG. I MOTHER FUCKING WRITING THIS. or am i?

what if like somehow i am not me? i mean is this even my hand? how does it work? why can i move my hand? so like i just learned stairway to heaven on the guitar. cool song. i like. then i heard the santanic version backwards. why? is led. Z satanic? are they? why must they be? are you reading this? i know i am. hhaahahahaHAHAHA OF COURSE I AM OMG OMG OMG. I MOTHER FUCKING WRITING THIS. or am i?

what if like somehow i am not me? i mean is this even my hand? how does it work? why can i move my hand? so like i just learned stairway to heaven on the guitar. cool song. i like. then i heard the santanic version backwards. why? is led. Z satanic? are they? why must they be? are you reading this? i know i am. hhaahahahaHAHAHA OF COURSE I AM OMG OMG OMG. I MOTHER FUCKING WRITING THIS. or am i?

what if like somehow i am not me? i mean is this even my hand? how does it work? why can i move my hand? so like i just learned stairway to heaven on the guitar. cool song. i like. then i heard the santanic version backwards. why? is led. Z satanic? are they? why must they be? are you reading this? i know i am. hhaahahahaHAHAHA OF COURSE I AM OMG OMG OMG. I MOTHER FUCKING WRITING THIS. or am i?

spherical cocoon

2008-06-18T21:33:00.000-07:00

'something i can never have'
-nine inch nails

I still recall the taste of my tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head till I dont want to sleep anymore.

Come on tell me.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
Im down to just one thing.
And Im starting to scare myself.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go way.

I just want something.
I just want something I can never have

You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldnt do the things that I can do now.
This is slowly take me apart.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.
I just want something I can never have.
In this place it seems like such a same.
Though it all looks different now,
I know its still the same
Everywhere I look youre all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.

Come on tell me.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
Im down to just one thing.
And Im starting to scare myself.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go way.

I just want something.
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have
Think I know what you meant.
That night on my bed.
Still picking at this scab
I wish you were dead.
You sweet and perry ellis.
Just stains on my sheets.

End

i am in a spherical cocoon of binding. yearning for much more. but the thing inside with me is desecrating my inner life force. what shall i do?

i am losing my soul.

2008-06-18T02:00:00.001-07:00

When hope is snuffed out like a guttering candle.

When hope is sadistically excised with surgical precision.

When hope is torn from a half-living body in huge gobbets
By rapacious beaks and ravening teeth.

When hope is annihilated.

hope... is by far the only emotion that has kept me going for all 16 years of my life span.
it is also the only emotion which betrays me, and cheats me. i am wishing for it to be seen only as a barrier which separates my mind from the real situation... but i cannot... i fucking will not. i am deluded. i rely too much on hope. i have been born with a mind that refuses to be pessimistic.

sometimes i feel like covering the sun, and let the darkness begin to engulf me...

End

i dont know really.

2008-06-17T07:40:00.000-07:00

i just got back from camp. it was alright. it left me confused. but ok. i'm too tired to blog, i only had 2 hours of sleep since i got back from camp. i'll do the camp details tomorrow.

End

feel

2008-06-14T04:45:00.000-07:00

i having this feeling.

it can only be discribed as bluaaahhh.

its kinda like a mixture of being restless, bored, anticipating, lethargic and emotionally tired all at the same time.

the reason i named it bluaaaahhh is because i picture this emotion to be a scream.

the type screamed by a banshee.

it is negative.
not very, but still negative.
it makes me feel down.
the feeling as if i were falling into a void.
it renders me helpless,
and deems me useless.
i think it developed during the june holidays.

i don't like it.

End

Paris chia

2008-06-13T23:17:00.000-07:00

its 2.30pm. i just woke up. i have to fix my bio clock. soon. Anyways i dont have the mood to sort of blog right now so i decided to ctrl c and ctrl v something that i thought was quite cool. this is written by a friend called paris.

www.ehblowme.livejournal.com

why start a blog?

Jun. 8th, 2008 | 12:06 am

Basically a few reasons

1) Introverts who has so fucking much to say and lament about, but who somehow cant open up to tell their friends.

2) Attention seekers

3) Conformity *my bestie blog, so i blog, i cool*

4) boredmotherfuckers

5) To defame something or someone

6) Insecure individuals who has to show the world that they do have a life and that they have friends(e.g today i went out with my darlings bla bla and bla to shop till we drop) * thus i'm popular and im cool* GET MY POINT?

7) Those who genuinely love to blog

8) Supposedly philosophical and intellectual motherfuckers who love to PREACH

i think i belong to 2.haha.

End

dreamscapes

2008-06-13T09:44:00.000-07:00

13 bad juju. 58 mins past it. I was really scared yesterday when i was up awake, my intially theory was that 3am being the devil's hour and all, plus it being friday the thirteen which thus adds on to the dark stuff. well i wasnt totally wrong though. i heard a little girl screamed at 3am. authentic fear i swear.

ever had the feeling that you were meant for something else? like...kk ..lets say ..... meant to save the world that sort of thing. i'm kinda yearning for more. i wanna be unique and like special. well im kinda already am but like im talking about the awesome special. the type where i get global fame. so currently i have a few plans.

Plan number one and by far the most realisitic of 'em all, BECOMING A ROCKTAR. one of my Bffls once told me.... anyone is allowed to dream. you'll see. i'll mug my scales... yes i would, and come up with splendid rifts... yes i shall. starting small by getting gigs and then progressing perhaps. dangerous dream this is.... and yet immature as it sounds its worth a shot right?

well yea thats all the plans i have actually i'll tag more if i have a sudden epiphany and think of other plans. and besides i think i'll stick to this for the time being, mainly because it makes me feel safe to have a goal in life.

End

P.S i said a few plans although because my lit teacher said that suspense is good and keeps the reader reading. i am not sure if i did used it in a correct context here though, but well it is still kinda interesting.

start. being a people person

2008-06-13T01:03:00.000-07:00

i like people. imagine a world without people. just you by
yourself looking out through your shell. makes you wonder
doesnt it. Lethargic... very lethargic... its 4.07pm, yet it feels like
10 in the morning, perhaps this is due to me waking up 2 hours
ago.

So far, i have watched or rather re-watched the entire avatar series (just finished it today). i like avatar the legend of anng or any other anime which allows one to escape from the bindings of real life. i was pretending in my mind that i could air bend. i would probably be famous if i could. then again, i might be captured by people whom might want to study my body as to find out the reason of my air bending. but i decided i would be a great bender of air and dodge anything the united states would throw at me. yes thats it.. i'll be a great air bender. The first the world would ever see.

its now 4.17. i took ten minutes to write this. i must admit i write pretty darn good.this is fun, i get to publicize my thoughts.i might consider making this a habbit.

End.